I wrote this


"When there is nothing left to say, give this to him"

Out of everything I have had to experience in my life you have been the biggest dissapointment
The first 3 months I met you were the happiest days of my life. I wanted to see you every day, I DID see you every day. You had 2 jobs and you went to school and we would still see eachother.
The last 3 months were the most anxious, stressful, upsetting moments, not of my life, I have been through worse. I did not want to see you. You caused me anxiety I didn’t know I had. I dreaded texting you. I didn’t know if it was going to be a good day with you or a bad day. Most of the time it was bad.
I would drive to work drive to school drive here drive there, I would hear a song that reminded me of you I would change the station. Or, on rare occasions, I would listen and I would cry. And I would remember. And it hurt. It still hurts
I wanted to marry you
When I first met you I told everyone my family my friends how great you were I told them that you were the One.
The first few times we fought I didn’t understand. When we would disagree about something I wouldn’t understand. When I wanted to connect with you and you were quiet I didn’t understand.
You have changed you’re not the same person. You didn’t kiss me the first 2 weeks we met we didn’t have our first real kiss until almost a month in. I liked that about you. I loved that about you. It made me want you.
To go from not kissing me to being your girlfriend to being in love to be demoted to a fuck buddy is what this whole thing is about. It absolutely breaks my heart
Remember when you bought me a pumpkin for halloween remember when you made me that paper swan remember when we broke up in February but you still wanted to take me out for Valentines Day. Remember when we broke up and I was smoking outside because I was sad and you approached me after not seeing you for a week or 2. I thought it was a ghost
Remember when I would tell you things like, I had a bad day at work, I have a lot of homework
And your response to me would be things like, well, you only worked 5 hours, you’re only taking 2 classes
After a while I just stopped telling you
Remember when you told me your friends girlfriends would be clingy I thought to myself I’ll never chase a man my mother told me never chase men. The right man will chase you. I laughed.
Remember the first time I wanted to tell you I loved you, you weren’t home and I told you I have to tell you something. You came to my house at midnight I chickened out. And I told you the next day, we were on my bed you were on top of me.
I remember the first date I had hardly remembered your name or what you looked like. But then you picked me up I saw you I got to know you I remember every detail. I was so nervous you were going to try to kiss me that night but you didn’t. I was scared, but I was so happy.
You told me I ruined you
I didn’t think or know I had that kind of power over anyone
I still don’t.
I said it again I’ll say it again, to go from being the person you said to wanted to die with
To someone to fuck whenever you want to
That’s what hurts the most. I think of our entire relationship, I think of everything we’ve been through. And this is what is comes down to: sex
I changed you. I am a part of you. When you said i need someone to fuck, i need my dick sucked
That’s me
When you want to fuck in the middle of the night
Thats me
When you can’t sleep at night
When you’re having a bad day
When you have feelings of regret or anger or dissapointment
When you wake up from the wanting
That’s me
That’s what hurts the most
Not the distance not the fighting not the arguing not seeing you not texting you
You changed. You are not the man I met. You’re so different, it breaks my heart
My heart is shattered into a million pieces
I hate California I hate what you’ve done to me. I can’t stay here anymore. I want to die.
I hate the beach now, I hate everything associated with you it’s ruined for me.
I hate what happened to us. I hate what happened to us
I hate what has happened to us.

© SPARROW